


All the best pranks involve bananas

by Woldy



Category: Merlin (BBC) RPF
Genre: Banter, Blow Job, Community: kinkme_merlin, Flirting, Innuendo, M/M, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000, Workplace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-31
Updated: 2009-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-05 12:52:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woldy/pseuds/Woldy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Colin Morgan has a dirty fucking mind, but an incredible mouth</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the best pranks involve bananas

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt "RPF, Bradley/Colin, deep-throating" at [](http://community.livejournal.com/kinkme_merlin/profile)[**kinkme_merlin**](http://community.livejournal.com/kinkme_merlin/) . This fic is not beta-ed, so I apologise for any mistakes.
> 
> All real people are used without their permission. Events portrayed are entirely fictional and do not reflect on the actual people within the stories. No profit is being made from this story &amp; no offence is intended.

It only takes a few days for Bradley to realise that the biggest problem of working with Colin in his twisted sense of humour. At first the jokes are surreal, but as the two of them grow more comfortable with each other it becomes clear that Colin Morgan has a dirty fucking mind.

Like today, when Bradley is quite reasonably licking juice off his fingers after lunch - after paying a fortune for those strawberries, he isn’t going to waste any - and Colin responds by flourishing an eerily straight banana at him, unpeeling it and taking it into his mouth.

The sight of Colin Morgan with his pink lips stretched wide around a banana should be ridiculous, but somehow it’s not. Colin runs his tongue teasingly over the tip, sucks it, and looks up flirtatiously at Bradley through his dark eyelashes as if to say _“So, James, what you gonna do?”_

The answer is nothing, apparently, because Bradley just stares, his eyes widening as more and more of the banana disappears into Colin’s mouth. Surely this shouldn’t be physically possible? If Colin’s not using his teeth - and he’s not - then it must just be sliding down his throat. What if the banana breaks, Colin chokes on it, and Bradley has to explain to the health and safety people? Most importantly, _how_ and _why_ did Colin learn to do this?

The banana continues to slide down Colin’s throat until nothing is left but his fingers wrapped around the base, his lips shining wetly and his cheeks flushed pink. It’s probably the most obscene thing Bradley’s ever seen, even before Colin slides his mouth back up, just as slowly, and the banana re-appears inch by inch. And it’s big, at least as big as a cock and - _oh my god,_ Colin Morgan knows how to deep throat a cock.

Bradley’s brain shuts down at this point, which must have been Colin’s intention since he grins and announces “I like to savour them,” before biting the end off, and Bradley finds himself wincing.

For the rest of the afternoon Bradley has to deal with Colin whispering the word “banana” to him in between takes. The embarrassment this provokes evidently makes Bradley’s cheeks go red because there’s a whole discussion with the lighting and makeup people about why he looks so flushed. Throughout it, Colin just sits there mischievously, smiling with his eyes, and pretending that this unfortunate problem with visual continuity and Bradley’s complexion has nothing whatsoever to do with him.

Then, just when things are sorted out and they manage to get a few decent shots, Colin murmurs, “banana,” and the saga begins over again. One short scene takes them _three hours_ and Bradley will never look at a banana the same way again.

This calls for revenge and although Bradley hasn’t yet figured out what form his vengeance will take he’s decided that it will be terrible. Pranking Colin isn’t as easy as it should be, or was a week ago before they all started running around causing trouble in each other’s rooms, so it takes several days before he tests the handle on Colin’s door and finds it unlocked.

When Bradley peeks inside, it becomes clear that Colin’s in the shower, probably trying to ease the ache out of his muscles from being slammed up against the wall in the stunt scene they filmed earlier. It’s perfect.

Bradley enters the room, locks the door behind him and then pulls off his t-shirt. He dumps the t-shirt, jeans and his pants at the side of Colin’s bed and then sprawls languidly on it, waiting for Colin to finish.

Finally the shower stops and then the bathroom door opens and Colin appears in a cloud of steam, naked except for the towel around his hips. Colin takes a couple of steps and then stops dead, shock visible on his face at the sight of Bradley lying naked on his bed.

“What’s this then?” he asks, as if waiting for the rest of the joke.

“I’m here to see if you can repeat that trick,” Bradley says, his eyes meeting Colin’s and he sees Colin lick his lip nervously.

“You don’t want to try yourself, then?” Colin replies lightly, and this obviously this is working because the joke’s on Colin, he looks uncomfortable about it, and Bradley is a fucking genius.

“Maybe after another demonstration,” Bradley says, keeping his voice relaxed, and gives a tiny roll of his hips to emphasise his words. Not that he’s hard, but he could be without much effort, and he can see from Colin’s expression that he’s taken the point.

There’s a moment’s silence where Bradley thinks, “yeah, come on you bastard, concede,” and then Colin says, “Right then,” and walks towards the bed.

Bradley barely has time to register what’s happening before Colin is leant over him, and one hand on Bradley’s naked hipbone. Just a few inches from his cock, which stirs with interest because, well, he’s a guy, and he’s being touched, and what would you expect to happen.

“That’s what you want is it?” asks Colin quietly.

Bradley’s mouth is dry because he’s lost control of this situation, he’s tried to call Colin’s bluff and failed, and somehow the only thing which makes sense is to raise the stakes.

“Yeah,” he says, hoarsely, and then to be sure. “Go on Morgan, you little slut.”

There’s a flash of anger in Colin’s eyes - nothing like the stupid special effects they’ve been doing for Merlin, this is real - and then Colin kneels on the bed, weight on his elbows, and licks a long, damp line up Bradley’s cock.

Bradley can’t take his eyes off Colin and the lewd way his mouth moves, sliding up and down his length, just a little deeper each time. His mouth is hot and the suction is good but it’s just a blowjob, like the ones he’s received from several girlfriends - and several not-girlfriends, in point of fact - until his cock reaches the point where everyone else gagged and Colin just takes him deeper. There’s an incredible moment where Bradley _feels_ the head of his cock moving slick against Colin’s tonsils and then Colin swallows and he groans, hands fisting in the sheets.

Surely, this is the sort of thing that normal people can’t do, one of those insanely expert or athletic things that only happens in porn films, but Colin’s kneeling on the bed - the towel now pooled around his bare hips - and taking Bradley’s cock all the way into his mouth, right down his throat.

Bradley watches the coil and uncoil of Colin’s spine as he moves, head bobbing, and his eyes linger on the pale muscle of his arse. He has a perfect view of Colin’s arse from this angle and stores that image for future reference, but now he can only surrender to the feel of Colin’s mouth.

There’s something slow and leisurely about this that makes it different to any other blowjob Bradley’s ever had, better by miles, because there’s no teasing or temptation to thrust. Instead there is Colin’s wet, greedy mouth giving all the depth and friction that Bradley’s always wanted and never got, Colin synchronising his breaths with the cock sliding into him.

It’s like Colin’s taking every bit of Bradley’s self-control, piece by piece, and will keep doing it until there’s nothing left - until he spurts desperately down that tight throat - and Colin will still look so expert and almost effortlessly composed. Sex is supposed to be a two-way process, a give-and-take; it should be messier than this.

Bradley grabs a handful Colin’s hair and tugs, seeing the surprise and annoyance on Colin’s face as his head rises.

“What’s this, a warning? It’s, really, all right with me at this point if you-”

“It’s not that,” says Bradley, and now Colin looks insulted as though his fantastic blowjob skills are being impugned. “I want to see your face.”

Colin glares at him. “I can’t do it from that angle, it doesn’t work. You were the one who wanted this, so if it’s awkward then-”

“Shut up,” Bradley says, which is the wrong response, but at least it’ll stop them saying anything that makes things worse, and pulls Colin down on the bed beside him. “Here,” he says, gesturing from Colin’s head to his stomach.

Colin narrows his eyes and, for a moment, looks like he might get out of the bed. Instead he leans in and licks the tip of Bradley’s cock, lapping his tongue around the ridge, despite his petulant expression. Colin must have given a lot of blowjobs to get this confident - and who he gave them to is a question Bradley looks forward to pursuing another time - but he obviously doesn’t like having his rhythm disrupted. Oddly, the fact that Colin is pissed off about being bossed around just makes it more appealing.

It feels more normal like this, a bit awkward, and Bradley winds his fingers in Colin’s wet hair and watches the flutter of Colin’s eyelids as the red tip of Colin’s tongue runs over his cock. This sensation is teasing and never-quite-enough, but when Bradley arches up into Colin’s mouth then Colin’s hands press down hard on his hipbones to hold him in place. It’s almost a game after that, rougher as Bradley arches and thrusts, and Colin shoves back against him, mouth still hungry but with a warning hint of teeth.

Bradley tries to stay like this as long as he can, his eyes on Colin’s face and a hand clutching the damp nape of his neck, but there’s a point where he’s so close to the edge that the hot depth of Colin’s throat is like a drink to a dying man, and he stutters “Please - can you-”

Colin shoots him a look that’s part mockery and part desire, and then turns his face away from Bradley, finds the angle he needs and slides his mouth down Bradley’s cock in one continuous movement. Here there are no jagged, stuttering thrusts, only the slow, honeyed glide of his cock against the textured ridges, and when Colin swallows - deliberately, with all the control in the world - Bradley shudders and comes hard, uncontrollably, down his throat.

There’s something showy, almost arrogant, about the way Colin pulls off his cock.

“You got your demonstration,” he says, not looking very happy about it.

Colin grabs his towel and starts to move away but Bradley grabs his shoulder and says, “Don’t-”

Colin’s eyes swing to his angrily. “Don’t what? Ruin a decent professional relationship by being a dickhead? Because I think it’s a bit late for that.”

Bradley swallows, his throat dry, and says, “Don’t go. I’ll...reciprocate, you idiot.”

“You don’t get to call me that when we’re not in character,” Colin says, sharply and Bradley winces at himself because apparently he’s _still_ making things worse.

“I’ll reciprocate, then, _Colin_,” he says, and Colin’s eyes soften a little.

“Really?”

It doesn’t sound as though Colin believes him and, well, Bradley said he’d do this at the start, so he tugs Colin towards the bed and Colin yields. It’s easy to pull the towel out of the way at which point he discovers that Colin is hard beneath it, damp with pre-come, and Bradley is surprised at his desire to taste it.

When Bradley sucks takes the tip of Colin’s cock into his mouth, Colin takes a sharp, shocked inhale of breath, but it only takes a few inexpert bobs of his head before it hits the back of his throat and he gags.

Colin snorts. “You have to take it easier than that,” he says, and Bradley feels a hand against the back of his head, surprisingly gentle.

He pulls away for a moment to say, “Tell me how, then,” and to his surprise Colin does. Even with Colin’s instructions it doesn’t exactly work, because Bradley still chokes a lot, but Colin’s fingers linger on his neck to correct his angle or murmuring advice, and Bradley starts to get the hang of it.

He knows the exact moment when Colin stops thinking about teaching and starts thinking about getting off, because Colin’s knees spread wider and his fingers tighten in Bradley’s hair. In comparison to Colin’s expert deep-throating this is messy, urgent and lacking in any sort of skill, but if Bradley can’t swallow around Colin’s cock then he can wriggle his tongue against the thick vein and hum, cheeks hollowed, until Colin quivers beneath him and his breathing goes ragged.

There have been a lot of new experiences while he’s been filming Merlin: wearing armour, sword fighting and special effects, but having Colin Morgan come in his mouth is the best yet. When Bradley pulls away he looks hastily for a glass or something, fails to locate one and accepts the inevitability of swallowing which is, well...significantly less nice.

Colin is lying there, all rumpled and flushed, his eyes dark, and Bradley thinks that this is when they would kiss if this was an ordinary sexual encounter instead of a joke gone awry. He can’t see any sensible way to react at this point and since talking went badly earlier, Bradley just reaches for his clothes and turns his t-shirt the right way out. He pulls the t-shirt over his head and when he can see again Colin is sitting up and the afterglow has been replaced by worry.

“Look,” Colin says, and Bradley turns away to grab his underpants and jeans. “Hey, listen,” Colin persists, and his hand lands warmly on the skin of Bradley’s back. “Running away at this point will make things worse. We’ve got to be able to look at each other tomorrow.”

“What d’you suggest then?” Bradley asks, with more than a hint of exasperation.

Colin stands up, uncoiling his long, lean body, and breathes a stream of lewd suggestions into Bradley’s ear, which is a manoeuvre that would probably be pretty effective at turning him on even if Colin wasn’t talking dirty.

“That’ll help, will it?” asks Bradley sceptically.

“Oh, yeah” Colin says, giving him a filthy smile. “After all that there’s no way you’ll be blushing at the word ‘banana’.”

It becomes clear over the next week that Colin is absolutely right.


End file.
